Fear and Self Loathing in America
Being a self loathing American is the latest trend, the hippest hobby, the ‘in’ stance to maintain at social functions... okay, maybe not at 4-H... but you know what I mean.
Apparently, some Americans want to move to England to raise their broods. Of course, I cannot blame them... it looks so intriguing in People magazine, doesn’t it?
Evidently, the moment you set foot to pavement at Heathrow you are immediately shown to your liveried car and from there whisked away to:

a) your countryside cottage
b) your London flat
c)your castle that is in disrepair... but disrepair in a charming English way.

Yes, that’s right, once you arrive in England you have your pick (a, b, or c) of residences. Once you have made your selection you are given an English accent (see Madonna) and taught to queue properly. Having settled in, and having had a spot of tea, you are given a certificate and may begin living the life of splendor that Hollywood royalty says is all the rage. Of course, marrying an English person will help your cause (see Madonna)... and you want to bring some money with you... quite a lot, actually (see Madonna).
(note to self: make sure the tonal quality of the above paragraph is such that reader gets the lack of seriousness)

I am not going to pretend that the thought of calling England home hasn’t entered my mind. I have idealized the notion...but for different reasons; some shallow, others not. Like how wonderful it would be to live in my dad’s homeland. .. or how cool would it be for my kids to have that mellifluous accent? I’ll let you, dear reader, decide which of those two reasons merits the description ‘shallow’.

However, not one of my reasons includes the lambasting of America. After all, what kind fortitude does one demonstrate when abandoning hope, faith, and loyalty during moments of discontent? Now I am not saying that Americans shouldn’t criticize America. Far from that... being able to criticize our country is one of the reasons it’s such a fabulous place. By God, bitch away! Just don’t punch below the belt... and then threaten to ‘move to another country’ (see England).

The thing I find most interesting? When I listen to people who have moved here from England. How much they like it here; how they feel that their opportunities were broadened in America.
Or when I hear of someone who was fortunate enough to come to us from Cuba or Mexico; and what a tremendous amount of love and respect they hold for this country which they now proudly call home. And yes, of course, you will always be able to find people who want to go back to Haiti, etc... but you get the idea.

I guess the grass is never greener, is it?

...but then again, if Gwyneth and Madonna say it’s the place to raise your children... well then, who am I to argue?