The Hostess With The Mostess

I was reading another blog recently and was so relieved to see that I am not the only person on the planet who has been subjected to the anti-guest treatment. Now I am not talking about being treated poorly when you crash a party. Or about that time you got blathered and pulled your blouse up at the baby shower. These both being fine examples of times when a host/hostess has every right to be annoyed with a guest.

The type of treatment of which I speak is the snubbing by the host or hostess at a get-together. This can take two forms: subtle or frontal assault.

Subtle is the usual. This tends to be the most popular technique as it is least likely to provoke a confrontation. This is where said host/hostess (from here out I will simply use hostess) ignores you, and only you, at the function to which you were invited. A function that she invited you to attend.

The frontal assault is the most cruel as it leaves no doubt in the receiver’s mind as to their place in the hostess’ caste system. A clever anti-hostess will even recruit a fiend or two into her evil machinations. This way they can slither, as a repugnant duo/trio, into one of several predesignated gossip spots, clearly within your eyesight, and cast menacing ‘get-the-f*#@-out’ looks in your direction. This is, dear readers, quite effective.

The party pariah (this is you) can do one of three things:
1) cling to the hors d'oeuvres table in the hopes of at least getting a meal out of it
2) become surly and poisonous - turning the evening into a primer for a really nasty blow- out
3) ‘get-the-f*#@- out’

Of course, the more skilled party pariah will do a combo: eat until you are ill, accost as many of the party-goers as possible, and then ‘get-the-f*#@-out’. This is not, however, for the passive-aggressive among you. You may want to stick with numbers 1 and/or 2.
So, combos aside, what can be done to eradicate this most egregious display of etiquette? Perhaps the hostess didn't realize that being an evil whore is a party faux pas. My suggestion is to mail the hostess a book on party etiquette with a little note saying, ‘you are obviously deficient in the hostessing department and are, at this time, unfit to host anything larger than the opening of an envelope, hope this helps’.

Please, dearest readers, supply some much needed commentary as to how you would handle such a situation.